


Ed, why did you do Human Transmutation again?

by Um_Lol



Series: Moon’s Crack Fics [2]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga, Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe, Six - Marlow/Moss
Genre: Bombs, Character Death, Crack, Crack Crossover, Crossover, Drabble, F/F, Gen, Guns, Mild Blood, Minor Character Death, Monsters, Unreliable Narrator, also dason jean is in this too, and she's almost done with everything, nothing in this fic makes sense, oh wait i mean boms, riza is self aware in this, self aware character, there like one monster i made
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:08:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25771846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Um_Lol/pseuds/Um_Lol
Summary: For some reason, Ed tried Human Transmutation again. But this time, he brings back more than just his mum. He somehow brings back characters from other fandoms? Also, Moon almost died whilst writing this, as none of it makes any sense.
Relationships: Heather Chandler/Heather Duke/Heather McNamara/Veronica Sawyer
Series: Moon’s Crack Fics [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1868116
Kudos: 1





	Ed, why did you do Human Transmutation again?

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, this was fun to write haha. Anyways, you can read the last fic in the series for it to make a bit more sense, but it’s fine if you haven’t read it. Anyways, hope you enjoy!
> 
> TWs in the tags, there’s a bit of death and blood.

It was a very normal day for Amestris-

“You haven’t written this fandom in 6 MONTHS, Moon,” Riza said, talking to someone.

_Don’t call me out here, I’m tryna write. I’ve just been very depressed and unmotivated, but here I am now!_

Riza let out a sigh. At least she still likes the fandom, but still. 6 months was a long time. Hopefully they’re writing something good. But we all know Moon isn’t gonna write something fluffy or nice, they’re an angst person. Or they’re gonna write something cursed.

Ed randomly appears out of nowhere. As well as explosions. What did he do this time? That pipsqueak!

“Ed. What happened?” Riza asked.

“Me wanted to do human transmutation again :P”

“WHAT. Why would you do that?”

“idk”

Riza grabbed her pistols, getting ready for whatever was awaiting her. This could’ve been really bad, so she had to be prepared. She gently opened the door.

The queens from SIX were there, somehow. They were singing six, which is great please go listen to SIX the musical. Also, gay. I mean, back to narrating, the queens were there!

“Wrong fandom. But, I guess they aren’t much of a threat, so it’s fine for them to stay.”

Then came the monster. The horrible, scary, absolutely horrendous monster. It was....

Not Henry, good guess, as he is a monster too.

BUT, the monster we’re talking about is.... the guillotine. Which could also walk. It walked like a dog, and also didn’t need the head to be in the choppy thing. Yes, that’s what we’re calling it, since Moon isn’t gonna search what it’s called. Anyways, it could just touch a human, and their head gets chopped off. Scary amirite?

The walking guillotine, was vewwy scary. Fortunately, it doesn’t purposely touch people, unless it’s defending itself. So unless someone touches it, then we’re gonna be fine.

“MOON, WHAT DID YOU CREATE?” Riza asked, with clear concern on her face.

_I’m just tryna have some fun~ Don’t worry, don’t lose you’re head-_

“I don’t get paid enough for this.” She sighed.

_Oh c’mon! No one’s actually gonna die, pfft, it’ll be fine~_

Anne is chaotic. And will do whatever she wants. SO SHE GOES AND TOUCHES IT.

“NO-” Riza said, before the head came off.

The rest of the queens touch it too, because they can. Blood, everywhere. And heads. Moon doesn’t want to describe it, but you guys are smart, right? Just imagine blood and heads, yeah that’s basically it.

Riza looked away, not wanting to see the blood and heads. Suddenly, all the blood from the room disappeared, and the heads, and their bodies were gone. The walking guillotine sat in the corner, undisturbed.

“Well, now that’s over with, let’s leave-”

“No we should ressurect my mum :D” Ed said.

“Ed why-”

“Done uwu”

“Welp, too late, he got in... Moon, did you just have me quote Heathers? Why are you like this?” Riza asked.

_Because I can!_

“Great reasoning.” Riza said with sarcasm.

_~Foreshadowing~_

“What do you mean by that- oh wait.” Riza said, before looking at what Ed transmuted.

“Look :DDDD” Ed said.

And there they were. THE HEATHERS BROUGHT BACK TO LIFE!!!

Oh and also Ed’s mum Trisha but I haven’t rewatched FMA in a while and I don’t really remember what she was like so, HEATHERS and some Trisha.

“Where the fuck are we? We were just about to explode from JD and now we’re here?” Chan asked.

“You’re gonna be fine. Now let’s get going, we don’t want to cause more chaos than we’ve already done.”

“NO >:///” Ed shouted.

“Is he like 10 or something?” Ronnie asked, noticing Ed’s short height.

“>:/” Ed somehow said even though there are no words in the dialogue.

Suddenly, Trisha flopped like a fish, basically she looks like Magikarp.

“What? Y’know what no- WHY?” Riza asked, holding back laughter.

_Look, I have no ideas alright? WAIT I HAVE AN IDEA-_

“What is it now?” Riza groaned.

ALAS CHIMERA NINA!!!

“fuck this shit im out-” Ed said before yeeting off.

“Uhhh, this is awkward, so, NOW WE CAN LEAVE-”

The four gays (the Heathers and Veronica) came back! And what do they do? They gay. They’re just fluffy gay girlfriends. Because this crack honestly needed some fluff. They kiss and do the gay. They gay, and we stan that. Even floppy Trisha stans gay.

“Aww, that’s surprisingly nice. Now I can leave-”

BUT WAIT-

Guess who’s back?

DASON JEAN!

“owo hewwo!”

“No. Just no.” Riza sighed.

Yes.

“Me stoley Moon’s knifey, now me go stabby.” DJ said.

DJ stabbed Nina. Unfortunately Moon doesn’t want this to get extremely gory, so just use your imagination again. Floppy Trisha flopped whilst this was happening, as that’s the only thing she can do.

“Why can’t she just end my suffering?” Trisha asked them.

Moon likes torturing her characters a lot. Which is why they like crack. Also it’s the only legal drug they can have-

“Okay, I’m leaving, I’m done, this is getting out of hand-”

Dason Jean is not alone. He has someone with him. That person is....

J A S O N D E A N. HE HAD HIS ORIGINAL EGO.

“What the fuck?”

JD had the bom which he stole from DJ from the last fic, that hadn’t exploded yet since the Heathers and Veronica yeeted through fandoms. This time, he won’t waste it. DJ had Moon’s knife and looked very unthreatening. He was uwuing.

“Our love is-”

“OUR LOVE IS GOD, I’M SAYING IT THIS TIME. OUR LOVE IS GOD~”

BOOM

“RILEY IS A WALLFLOWER-”

“We just exploded and now you’re writing a WATT fic? Moon what-” Riza said, breaking the very broken 4th wall.

_Hehehe. We’re gonna have some fun in the next fic._

“Well, at least you ended floppy Trisha’s suffering.”

**Author's Note:**

> ...Do you guys want a Bad english sequel but it’s we are the tigers instead? (I’ll probs write it anyways, but im curious lol)
> 
> [My Tumblr](https://um-l0l.tumblr.com)


End file.
